My mind teeters quite often between wanting to give dating another chance and giving up completely.
I can’t say I’ve been diving deep into the world of getting to know another person, mainly because what follows is me often having anxiety attacks and dropping off the social sphere that connected me and the other person.
It’s a bit bananas–even I can admit that, but I can’t help it. I’ve tried.
My life revolves around writing, work, school, and what little time I have left to see my friends and family. I’m not a very intimate or affectionate person when it comes to dates. I just don’t do that. I don’t hold hands, and I know that stems from someone telling me how weird it is to hold my hand. If I said that I didn’t care what happened in the past, I would be lying, but I’m not holding grudges against these men. I’m thinking more about the scenarios that played out and how they have repeated over and over.
As much as I think I want to be close to someone, I keep reminding myself that it’s much better this way.
I am strong.
I am good enough.
And I don’t need you to feel worthy.