Everywhere I go, I constantly find myself looking over my shoulder and giving people a double-take.
I fear I see people I once believed I could connect with.
I don’t want to be confronted by questions of
“How are you doing?”
“What have you been up to?”
It’s not so much the fact that I don’t care for people, but more so that I cannot handle revisiting the past when I keep telling myself to move forward.
I tell myself that I will not look back and I will only move forward.
I admit I always think about the what if’s of every situation, to somehow mentally calculate if something could have changed. But really? Nothing would. I know the type of person I’ve become.
Sometimes I love her.
Sometimes I loathe her.
But I am the way I am and I accept it.
So when I stood in the museum with my family and I glanced over my shoulder to see who I thought was you in the same area–well, as you can imagine I thought about it–
the what if’s
and I realize each time I think of these scenarios,
I realize that I’ve ended up where I was meant to end up
You are nothing but a fragment of my past
I will not revisit you anymore because that’s not my way
I’m done with the double-take
It’s best I move forward